what's another word for desperate...?

ok college you win-i'm officially super homesick. i miss my bed, cause i can't fucking sleep here. i miss being able to look over at my wall and seeing the birthday sign caitlyn ryan made for me, or my valentine's day present from racheal, or the really nice letter haley wrote me once. none of that is here. i miss (oh my god) sleeping in only what clothes i deemed absolutly nessicary (usually like none). i miss having a shower with a constant water temperature that only i, or people i know very well use. i miss only having to walk like 5 feet to get to the bathroom. i miss being able to walk from my bathroom to my room, or really around the house for that matter, in only what clothes i deemed totally nessicary. I MISS AIR CONDITIONING. i miss not having to care about anyone else's bedtime routine but mine. i miss band...and high school (shh don't tell anyone). i miss knowing everyone, even if i didn't particularly like them. i miss seeing the people i did like on a daily basis. I MISS SITTING ON MY PORCH. i miss having freezy pops freeze in a timely manner. i miss having food whenever i wanted it. i miss not having to climb to get to my bed. i miss having my own space.

i miss my mom. now, this is ironic because i have spent a significant portion of my teenage years hating the woman, and now i would give about anything to see her. i sort of miss jeff too. this is also ironic.

i miss my dog. god i miss my dog. i miss knowing she'll be home when i get home. i miss holding her. i miss sitting on the couch with her...i just fucking miss her.

i miss going to movies at jc. i miss driving chrysanthemum. i miss my cushy job at wilson's (i had to fry things today and it was disgusting). I MISS CLARKS TOWER. I MISS PAMMEL. I MISS SWINGING BRIDGE. i miss having something to do everyday after school. i miss having to go home earlier than everyone else. i miss having a locker. i miss my slow internet. i miss visiting sara lamb. i miss mr feirer's office. i miss mr kammin's office. i miss ap comp. i miss someone caring that i did bad things. i miss feeling like i was getting away with bad things. i miss checking my closets for serial killers before i went to bed. i miss waking up (because here i can't even seem to fall asleep). i miss knowing exactly how everything was going to go. i miss thinking college was going to be the great answer for all my problems. i miss being excited for college. i miss getting mail. i miss people calling me all the time. i miss tanning. i miss knowing what all the channels were on my tv. i miss privacy. i miss the quiet. i miss driving around. i miss watching movies at people's houses when we didn't know what else to do. i miss knowing my way around.

i miss my life...cause now i'm just another anonymous face.

(i know, this is all going to get better. it just sucks today)

Day 11

Day 11-

parties attended-1(yes!)
drinks consumed at said party-1 (yep, still a loser)
times nearly fallen out of loft-1
soccer games watched on tv while bored-1
bugs henreitta has eaten-1

so, overall i had a good weekend. the part was kind of boring, just because i didn't really know anyone, but at least i can say i've been to one now. and it was good to get out of my room.

new fact about my crazy professor-she also does not wear a bra. if the braids and the hairy legs were enough of a distraction, now i also have her unsupported boobs to deal with. its rough. really rough.

tonight there is a 'save the world' club meeting. i'm thinking this has something to do with global warming. i'm not sure how i feel about global warming, but i'm going to this meeting anyway. if nothing else, i believe it will be a good place to meet hippies, and since there is a huge lack of gays in my life right now, i'm going to compensate and attempt to replace my gays with hippies. i know its not ideal, but its gonna have to work.

my roommate has not seen 'layrinth' so that situation has to get remedied. right now in fact.

p.s.comments are nice...share the love.

Day 9

Day 9-

parties attended-0 (but i'm thinking tonight might be the night)
person i'm happiest i know-allyn
dreams had involving the apocolypse-1
times done laundry-1 (and it was exciting)
naps taken-lots (and prolly another one when i'm done writing this)

so, sarah (my roommate) went home this weekend. i htink she was pretty homesick, so i'm sure she'll feel better tomorrow.

funny (as in ironic) event-ok, so yesterday i'm going from the library to sabin hall (where my next class was) and i hear this 'emily....emily' so i turn around, and who should it be buy mr allyn bauer. so we're standing there talking and he says 'so why don't you ever answer your phone? i've tried calling you a bunch, but you never answer'. and i'm like 'do you have the right number?' and he says 'maybe not'. so i gave him my number and went to class. then he called me last night and we hung out and it was fun.

we went to this thing called no shame. its basically like an improve show for people that aren't very good at improve. sort of. people like read poems they wrote, one group did a skit about a board meeting at the sci fi channel that was really funny, and then this chick juggled. so its kind of random, but it was fun. (weird people there though. i'm pretty sure if everyone in the room wasn't high before the show, they most deffinetly got high afterwords. that might have been the most entertaining part)

so anyway, i think allyn and i are hanging out again tonight. he lives with these two other guys in an apartment, and one of them (alex) is really cool, but the other one (cary) have like a pube-fro on his head. it was odd and sort of made me uncomfortable.

i like working in the dining center, execpt when i have to make eggs, because now i feel like i smell like eggs, and i'm certain this will continue for the rest of the day. LAME.

Day 6

College Day 6-

parties attended-0
friends made-2 or 3ish....maybe 4
people met-i don't even know
people in my dorm whose last name is schnurr (including me)-2
labrynth posters purchased-1

so far, college is getting a b. everyone here is super nice, but i still don't think i've made any real friends. i also realized last night that's ok, because the reason i had so many friends in winterset was i grew up with you all, and i had years to get to know you. so expecting to make friends in a weekish is having some pretty high expectations.

but i am having a good time. i've been getting a little lonely lately, but there have been these dorm bonding activities (all of which have been lame by the way, but it has been a good way to meet people in the dorm), and even though i'm on a upperclass floor, there are still lots of people in the same friendless boat as me. tomorrow they are showing 'blades of glory' in the little field thing outside the dorm, and i'm going with a girl from down the hall, so that will be fun. sarah (my roommate) is going home this weekend, so i'm hoping i'll be able to find something to do.

i like my classes too. i have oral communication, culture nature and society (the professor is a total feminist hippie. no joke-she has these 2 big thick braids that go all the way down to her waist, and she doesn't shave her legs), humanities 2 and dumb kids math (the professor for this one is this old grandma kind of lady. i like this because its like they're throwing a bone to the kids that are dumb at math, because there's no way she'll get angry when we don't understand!). i also work tueday, wednesday and thursday, then every other sunday, so i'm making some money too (that way when i come home we can go out to lunch and what not and i won't be totally broke).

ok, well i'm gonna go do some homework. have a good night/day (whenever you're reading this)!