I think life is easiest when we can boil all of our problems down to one common factor. For example, until recently, everything wrong with my life was a result of having an 8 o'clock class (I actually blame the professor for this....fucking Jim). So my terrible procrastination problem, my insomnia, my inability to beat 'Raining Blood' on Guitar Hero, my messy room and anything else troublesome in my life were a result of me hating that class and having to get up at fucking 7:30 in the damn morning to go to it.

Now however, I see I was terribly wrong. None of this is Jim's fault, and I feel I should write him a letter apologizing for hating him all semester because I thought he was ruining my life.

So who is the real culprit? I'll tell you, its birds, specifically the anti-christ crow and the other little things that live in the tree outside my window.

The anti-christ crow showed up shortly before spring break, and I swear it is the devil incarnate. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I have an 8, 11 and 12 o'clock class. Usually I go to breakfast at 9 (after Jim's class) and have special time with Lauren, then I come back to my room and I have about an hour before I have to leave for my next class. So being that I'm me and do stupid things, usually I take an hour nap (bad idea kittens, bad idea). And that goddamn crow sits outside my window and ba-kaws the whole time. Then (this is the kicker) when I come back at 1, its not here anymore, but I can hear it in the next tree over, so its not as loud. Should I decide to take an afternoon nap (which is like everyday, let's be honest)(I'm an insomniac don't judge me) THE FUCKING THING COMES BACK TO THIS TREE AND BA-KAW'S ALL FUCKING AFTERNOON! I've yelled at it to scare it away, but it'll come back after like 10 minutes. So, it is the anti-christ crow.

The other little things just came this week, and I believe they have allied themselves with the anti-christ crow, probably because it threatened to eat them if they didn't join it in making me miserable. The other little things don't are on some kind of fucked up schedule, because right now its 3:54 a.m. and they are out in that tree chirping. And they've been at it for a good half an hour now. WTF!?!?!?!? Birds chirp during the day (ideally) in trees not near windows where people are trying to sleep, not in the middle of the damn night! And, I can't yell at them to try to scare them away because I'll wake my neighbors up, and I'm polite, unlike birds.

I'm starting to assume all birds are evil, and am more adament than ever about killing every bug I see in order to starve the birds (sacrifices have to be made, and bugs are gross so I don't feel bad). But through these experience I've learned that birds are the root of all evil in my life. Birds are (literally at the moment) keeping me from falling asleep at night, they make dining center food totally unappetizing, and they have prevented Kate Winslet from winning an academy award.

Fuck you birds. Fuck you.