what's another word for desperate...?

ok college you win-i'm officially super homesick. i miss my bed, cause i can't fucking sleep here. i miss being able to look over at my wall and seeing the birthday sign caitlyn ryan made for me, or my valentine's day present from racheal, or the really nice letter haley wrote me once. none of that is here. i miss (oh my god) sleeping in only what clothes i deemed absolutly nessicary (usually like none). i miss having a shower with a constant water temperature that only i, or people i know very well use. i miss only having to walk like 5 feet to get to the bathroom. i miss being able to walk from my bathroom to my room, or really around the house for that matter, in only what clothes i deemed totally nessicary. I MISS AIR CONDITIONING. i miss not having to care about anyone else's bedtime routine but mine. i miss band...and high school (shh don't tell anyone). i miss knowing everyone, even if i didn't particularly like them. i miss seeing the people i did like on a daily basis. I MISS SITTING ON MY PORCH. i miss having freezy pops freeze in a timely manner. i miss having food whenever i wanted it. i miss not having to climb to get to my bed. i miss having my own space.

i miss my mom. now, this is ironic because i have spent a significant portion of my teenage years hating the woman, and now i would give about anything to see her. i sort of miss jeff too. this is also ironic.

i miss my dog. god i miss my dog. i miss knowing she'll be home when i get home. i miss holding her. i miss sitting on the couch with her...i just fucking miss her.

i miss going to movies at jc. i miss driving chrysanthemum. i miss my cushy job at wilson's (i had to fry things today and it was disgusting). I MISS CLARKS TOWER. I MISS PAMMEL. I MISS SWINGING BRIDGE. i miss having something to do everyday after school. i miss having to go home earlier than everyone else. i miss having a locker. i miss my slow internet. i miss visiting sara lamb. i miss mr feirer's office. i miss mr kammin's office. i miss ap comp. i miss someone caring that i did bad things. i miss feeling like i was getting away with bad things. i miss checking my closets for serial killers before i went to bed. i miss waking up (because here i can't even seem to fall asleep). i miss knowing exactly how everything was going to go. i miss thinking college was going to be the great answer for all my problems. i miss being excited for college. i miss getting mail. i miss people calling me all the time. i miss tanning. i miss knowing what all the channels were on my tv. i miss privacy. i miss the quiet. i miss driving around. i miss watching movies at people's houses when we didn't know what else to do. i miss knowing my way around.

i miss my life...cause now i'm just another anonymous face.

(i know, this is all going to get better. it just sucks today)